Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A project runway show in st. louis is like a bad iron chef competition.

Let me explain my thoughts on the fashion week in St. Louis, Missouri.  First of all, let me explain even more on a few things.  I am not a fashion person.  I am one of those people who wears things because I want to or like it.  I remember sitting and watching The Devil Wears Prada and thinking to myself that the woman was so wrong.  I'm sorry, but what I am wearing now, has nothing to do what some insanely skinny and pale-skinned model wore on a runway several years ago.

Now, we watched the Project Runway show in the Fox and while my wife expected it to go like the show, she was not expecting the woman with the money, to come up on stage and talk about how her friends, who all of lots of money, donated to get the show running.  So, what you have is a rich St. Louis native whose daughter wanted to pay to have people from Project Runway come to St. Louis and show their stuff.  So, she gets money from daddy and then there you go.

So, let's use a special from Iron Chef America, as my example of what happened that night:

We start the live episode by having the Chairman come out and greet everyone.  He tells us of his amazing suit, what martial arts movies he has been in lately and then tells us that with his infinite wealth, he has made this all possible.   Then a video display comes down and it talks about how the owners of the Fox like eating food and what their favorite foods are.  We also see how a relative of the Fox owners, came out with their own line of Artisan Sea Salts and how we should all stop buying our salts at Dierburgs and instead pay as much as $600 for a small container of salts.  So, then Iron Chef Bobby Flay comes out with Iron Chef Michael Simon and they gab, off the cuff, about how cool salt is and how wars were fought over it and how that relative's salts are so much of the best of salt.  Then, Bobby Flay talks about how cool he is and everyone else is just...okay.  So, then the lights go out and we have a video of Iron Chef Morimoto.  The video has him sitting down and just talking about stuff, like the weather, his shoes or his food.  The video ends and then Iron chef Morimoto demonstrates his skill by making some sushi that looks impeccably flawless, in less than 2 seconds.

Everyone is amazed.

So, then, after Morimoto leaves the stage to a standing ovation, the lights go out and a new video plays.  This video is about how some guy named "bob" who is a new chef and likes to eat chips.  Then he comes out and Bob tries to make some fancy dish and screws up in the process, spilling things and eventually cutting himself. He bows like he is as awesome as Morimoto.

This was the pattern: they had a person from one of the previous project runway seasons come before a nobody.  So, we have Bobby Flay making awesome BBQ ribs and then next we have Ted, from next door show us how he makes his ribs.  Then we have Martin Yan de-bone a whole chicken in less than 30 seconds and then Fred comes on and slowly and carefully cuts an apple.  Then James Beard comes up and talks about food and all of the incredible adjectives and nouns that it may be compared to.  Then you have some guy off the street telling us why he likes pop corn or Snickers.

After the last chef, or person imitating a chef, the Chairman comes out and says "that is everybody", and everyone claps and all of the chefs come out and take a bow as everyone claps.  Then they go in the back and leave.  No chefs come out to interact with the crowd.  No one comes out to even say "hi" or "thank you for coming".  There is nothing to explain the cost of a $45 ticket when you watched a show that was about an hour long.

But again, this comparison isn't that good.  The runway models all walked in slow motion, one even fell.  The woman to my left was loudly clapping and even yelling at a friend of hers' who was a runway model.  The music was the most dull and loud music I have ever heard.  Beethoven would have said that the music sucked, on most of the shows that night.  It didn't make sense either.  One of the Project runway designers had music from Tron Legacy playing, as his models walked slowly down the runway. I think that also what I disliked from this show was that it was filled with the stereotype art people.  You know the people who start with a blank canvas and then splash a tiny dot of blue on it and then tell you something as BS as "the tiny dot of blue is merely a representation of the human soul as it cascades through an endless spiritual journey and trial through the human body.  Much like Gilbert Ryle's Ghost in the Machine work of extraordinary nature and regard, this blank canvas suggests that the tiny dot represents much more and begs to the viewer whether or not our essence is really something that can fill our physical body or if there is room to grow."  


"My work is a combination of cocoons and spider webs," he says as we watch tightly fitted pale outfits walk down the runway.  They are tightly wrapped dresses, they are in no way looking like a spiderweb.

The banter between the Project Runway person, who is from St. Louis, and her friend who is from one of the local News channels, was the best.  It was like the old Saturday Night Live skit Coffee Talk (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_Talk).  Women sitting there and chatting about things that no one cares about for a few minutes and then as they compare which one is wearing the more expensive shoes or drives the larger car, they remember that they are in front of an audience and they remember to move along the show.  To say it was boring would be an under-statement.

Let me say this: the Project Runway show, made about as much sense, and was as productive as this:

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